Where the hell is Donkey Kong 64 on NSO?
Just because I still know the monkey rap by heart after 25 years, doesn’t mean I don’t need to hear it on my Switch.
What am I complaining about?
Just, DK64. That’s what I am complaining about. Not the game itself, though. I know some say that it’s just a big collect-a-thon and you know what? Yes, it is. Doesn’t make it a bad game by any means.
DK64 is filled to the brim with fun worlds and levels and platforming, especially in the later stages. The music is great, the island atmosphere is both calming and daunting, there are funny cut scenes, a whole lot of fun dialogue and quirky characters and bosses. The DK64 world is enchanting to be in and I never wanted to leave it as a kid. Hell I am a grey-haired code-spitter and for years I have been yearning to do another playthrough of DK64.
Yes, I am NintendoEngineer and that name suggests I should be loaded with Nintendo stuff, which I am. I do have my Nintendo 64 and the DK64 cartridge, both fully functional. Fully functional… and protected in storage, of course! I am not a savage who will let his Nintendo gear rot. Not when there are alternatives.
Alternatives, you say?
I know, that Switch is showing Breath of the Wild. If you haven’t played that game, buy it at its chronically original full price and play it, it’s a gem.
Now, there are emulators out there, yes. Official and unofficial ones. I will be honest, I have used some unofficial ones before, but only ever to play games I owned, of course.
I am very annoyed at Nintendo. They have introduced N64 games on NSO (Nintendo Switch Online) quite some time ago and since that moment I have been waiting for DK64 to arrive. I kept waiting and waiting. Every new batch of games added I would go through one by one, hoping that the next new one in the list would be my beloved digital ape ensemble, ready to great me with “if you know the words, you can join in too!”. Yet.. that never came to pass.
I thought to myself, you know, DK64 was developed by Rare and we all know that Microsoft bought Rare and is now also officially owner of the Banjo-Kazooie IP (which they ruined by making a third entry in the series, boo Microsoft). Perhaps Nintendo cannot add DK64 to the list of games. Ah well, I can understand that, not much to do in this world governed by heartbreaking rules.
Then it happened… They added Banjo-Kazooie to the line-up! Awesome! And also WHAT THE HELL!? You managed to add Banjo-Kazooie, an IP owned by Microsoft now, but you are not adding DK64, when you own the Donkey Kong IP??? Man, I was livid.
It doesn’t end there
Can someone ask Britney’s dad if she can come out and play? Because damn it, Nintendo did it again. A recent big reveal from Nintendo on the N64 side of things for.. Banjo. Tooie.
…what the hell am I to say about this? All the words in my mind are PG infinite. Why? Whyyyy??? Look, I’m not gonna knock the bear and his beaked lady friend, because I really love both of the original entries (dumb Microsoft, go away), but WHERE IS DK64!?
At this point, we have to assume DK64 has become the Waluigi to the Super Smash Bros. of NSO, which apparently is the N64. Ironically, the console where the original Super Smash Bros. launched. Full circle, they say and I guess that’s true. After this treatment it definitely feels like some circles got violated.
Conclusion
I hate Microsoft for ruining Banjo-Kazooie, I am angry at Nintendo and I want DK64.
Gimme DK64, damn it.
